the narrow gate

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life and only a few find it."

Where am I missing the narrow road? Lately I've felt like I'm traveling down the broad road - being, acting, living just the same as everyone else - when I know I'm called for something more. I know God has plans that are more than this for me. He has blessed me in so many things and where much is given, much is required. Show me the narrow gate and teach me to keep my eyes fixed on you, the author and perfector of my faith.

I felt so alive yesterday riding. The sun on my back, the wind whistling around me, the countryside, God's country, the pleasure spiked with pain (to quote a Chili Pepper's song). I want to be seeking that life everyday, that communion with God.

passion

The Passion of the Christ - what a powerful movie. I haven't seen it in years, but the images from that movie are still burned somewhere deep inside. Just the name, the Passion of the Christ, says so much about our Lord and about what he desires of us.

His passion is seen throughout the gospels; I especially see his heart in the sermon on the mount. His passion is for us to live not in the letter of the law, but in the spirit of it. Not in blindly following rules and regulations, but in following in the spirit of the living God.

Maybe his passion is simply for us to live. "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that. Because what the world needs is people that have come alive." "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full."

Where is my passion at today? What is the big adventure, the battle I am caught up in? Where is my field at Bannockburn, my beaches of Normandy? Lord, instill an unmistakable passion in me today. Lead me into my deep heart, speak to me through your passion. Use me as a tool for you today.

FREEDOM!

Thank you God. Thank you for your words of encouragement, your strength, your love. In one day, I went from the pit, as King David would say, to your banquet table. I know that you have big plans for my life - plans that I cannot foretell, but desire to be a part of. I know that you have more in store for me than this life I'm living now. Please direct me where you want me to go, where you want me to be. "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." "All a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart." Weigh my heart, Lord, lead me in the way you would have me go. Open doors for your love to shine into and through my spirit today Lord. Grant me the strength to put on the belt of truth, that I may seek out the truth, living a life of honesty and integrity; the breastplate of righteousness, that I may protect my heart with everything that is good and perfect from you; the helmet of salvation, that I may continue to work out my salvation in fear and trembling, not in pride as if I have done something to deserve it, but in gracious humility that you have granted me hope and life; the shield of faith, that I may block all of the arrows of the evil one with an unswerving faith in you; the sword of the spirit, that I may use your Word as living and active, sharp as a double-edged sword, able to divide bone and marrow, able to judge the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. And Lord, I pray that you will use me as a leader, as William Wallace leading a crusade against the forces of this world in order that freedom may be grasped by all. FREEDOM!

racing

I read somewhere that it's pretty common for endurance athletes to love training, but not enjoy racing all that much. What's the story on that? Is there some type of strength and pleasure found in solitary pain or is that we know there is always another gear we can find if we are pushed to it in a race?

Leanna said the other day that she could've ran harder at the end of the Tri to Make a Difference - what's that like? To finish a race and know you didn't leave it all on the course? To not sprint in at the finish? To not cross the line with your quads seized up, your hamstrings ripping out of the skin in the back of your thighs, your lungs on fire and your stomach somewhere between your esophagus and the road to your immediate left?

I live for the moment when the decision is made to go for it - to push for victory in spite of all that good go wrong - cramps, vomiting, syncope, heart conditions, death, or worst of all, defeat. I want to experience this feeling more often in order to keep my training on edge and my motivation on high.

Next year's plan looks like this -

Oct 20 - Palo Duro Canyon 20k
Nov 22 - LSRC Turkey Trot
Dec 9 - WhiteRock Marathon/Half-Marathon
Jan - local race
Feb - local race/tt half ironman
Mar - local race/hammerfest
Apr 13 - Playtri Half Ironman
May - Buffman & Squeaky International Distance Tri
Jun 29 - Buffalo Springs Lake 70.3

This is the thought so far, but I may have some changes as I think through this for another day or two.

There's such a cleanliness, a freedom that comes from running. Sweat pouring down the face, the sound of the feet hitting the pavement, the melodic breathing, the control and experience that can only truly be realized by letting go of all control. The trail, the road, the cars, the sun, the people that stop and stare, the people that mention it's not smart to run when it's 100 degrees, the smell of fresh cut grass and the stench of molded trash and rain runoff - somehow, somewhy, it's all beautiful in it's own way.

Is the world as God wants it to be? Is my world as my God wants it to be? Am I making the most of all the gifts he has put under my "control?"

Bil talked about excellence tonight...it's hard and possibly impossible to have excellence in one area of life and for it not to bleed over into all others. Am I about excellence? Am I displaying excellence in the pursuit of my personal limit? Am I looking for excellence at work? Am I the epitome of excellence as a husband? a father? a manager? a friend? a leader? a disciple of Christ? a searcher for truth? a triathlete?

Who am I looking to as examples of excellence? Do I know what excellence looks like and am I running towards it at all cost?

Bil says three things make up excellence -

Character...am I the same person day in and day out regardless of my environment? Is my everyday life an example of what I believe?

Competency...am I using my gifts for the good of others? Does my life have a bigger purpose than my life alone?

Chemistry - Romans 15:5. How well am I getting along with those around me? Do people want to be around me?

Why watch other people change the world when I can be in on it?

I want to make a difference with my life. I want to rush the field at Bannockburn, to sail off into the unknown, to hurl my body off the cliff and plunge into the unknown. I want to live the adventure, fight with ferocity, and win the princess. I want to be used by the One and I want to experience his power, his sufferings, his strength, his endurance, his love.

Lead me on that path...

I'm not really good with subjects, so this one may have to wait...

What an interesting week it's been. An open water swim, about 130 miles on the bike, somewhere around 50 miles on the run, and even more importantly, a completely different outlook on church and in some ways life.

More from the laptop...

(no subject)

What a week it's been...

Monday started off with a rest day and a pretty big day at work...

Tuesday went off with a 2000 swim with long strokes during lunch (felt great to get back in the water after a rather long break) and a skipped bike session after work, well, maybe procrastinated bike session is a better way to put it. Somehow I need to figure out how to get out of the office by 5:15 or so and head over to hammerfest. On the other hand, I've really enjoyed my aero efforts whenever I've hit them.

Wednesday began with Tuesday's missed session - 2x30' at 140-145, sorry, no exact avg. Ended up with 1 hr 30' overall and got all the way out to Wilderado and back. 20' recovery run at lunch and a post-work 60' recovery ride up the loop and through the woodlands - good hills, not a steady hr workout...

Thursday was rest in the morning (due to the upcoming dr. appt.) and no eating after 7am. At Dr. Bechtol's, blood tests and urine analysis led way to blood pressure checks (6 in all) with the numbers staying between 150-160/90. The elevated blood pressure and a disrhythmia from the EKG led to some concern and soon enough I found myself scheduled for a stress test and an ECG at the cardiologist's on Wednesday. Light exercise only was the recommendation...

Friday brought a phone call from Dr. Bechtol's saying I had an appt at the hospital for the ECG and to pick up a halter monitor. Can they make these things any larger? A 48 hr monitor is about the size of an old school gameboy and is worn on the belt like a fanny pack - this thing is ridiculous. The five electrodes on my chest have nearly drove me to distraction and I'm pretty sure the only thing that's going to cure it is the brick I have planned for just after 3pm today.

In short, no other training since a 3hr day on Wednesday and I'm surprised I haven't driven Adie up the wall. Hopefully all these tests come up dry and they'll say nothing's wrong and get back to some hard training. Hopefully, hopefully...